Recently I read 2 new books which i borrowed 2 month ago from Athirah. Thank you dear.
They aren't exactly self-help or one of those sappy romantic novels I usually read. Much to my dismay, it was actually a biography of how 2 women who came from troubled childhood finally stood up for themselves and made a difference in their lives and to others around them.
First was "Scarred".
I couldn't exactly relate to this author except to despise men like the way she did. The fear and lack of self-worth was alarming and she was every bit lucky to have survived every suicide attempt she had ever carried out on herself.
How her dad who was supposedly the first person on Earth who ever showed her love and concern turned out to be psychopath who continuously raped her and even allowed other men to rape her! Not only did he rape her, he was mentally torturing her by making her think he's the only person she can trust, on top of physically abusing her by inserting objects such as knives and broken bottles just so he could watch her bleed while having an intercourse with her. While kids her age are suppose to be worrying about school, melodramas of life and common puppy love issues, she was tormented beyond cure. I was furious with that men and if I could ever meet such a person, I would've rained punches on his face and made sure he can never so much as erect for the rest of his life.
All those abuse took a toll on her and she felt that she was only good for sex. Hence the lack of self-worth and she would just let the motion carry on and on as and when strangers approached her for it. It was almost revolting to even think men could sink so low.
Thankfully the institution she was sent to did help her a lot and she in turned helped other young women walked out of their sex abusers. But I still felt that the author should've prosecuted her father. Sometimes being too nice and loving so unconditionally can be irrational. Perhaps it would've killed her to know that her dad would be put away in prison because of her, but still, I hated to think that he made her think he was the only person she could trust and love. That mind-manipulating bastard.
Second was "Runaway".
This was about a girl who had to run away a lot because her stepfather and mother hit her a lot. Family violence is quite common in those days and children homes that were set up for them weren't even good. Think: a sexually abused child was sent into such a home only to be continuously led away by her "caretakers" into separate rooms and she simply comes back looking as glassy as ever.
Sigh.
But this girl, she was a fighter. One helluva fighter that her determination to survive and street smart ethics really moved me beyond anything I've ever read. Despite all her setbacks and however small she was, age and gender had never played a part in her life and she simply was the best in everything she did. She never let anybody bully her in life and got away with it. Even during the bully, she never cried or wailed to give her bully the satisfaction. She was also a protector of the weak.
Much to my dismay though, I guess women are always vulnerable in terms of strength. She eventually got caught once and was repeatedly raped. But that never dettered her from getting revenge and surviving. Being the one and only female diamond smuggler and with the backing of one of the meanest gangster in Amsterdam, I dunno whether to congratulate her or tell her to get out of it. Think a 14 year old can't survive on the street? I read in awe as she went from countries to countries without a passport of even a ticket. She sailed to France from England and started a new life there.
Her distrust for adults was pretty evident. But when she was a grown woman herself, she took in abandoned babies and took care of them like her own. There was even this part she talked about the tsunami in 2004 where she even tried her best to rescue as many people as she could. With her natural mother instincts, she cared for her 3 adopted children. The damage that the rapes did to her was permenant and she could never have children of her own. But heaven was kind to her.
Her strength, courage and determination really made me snap out of it. How she'd found the supposed love of her life and then her worries caught on and without hesitation, she thought for herself and left. I really admire her ability to cope with so much going on at the same time. She doesn't waste time mopping around and quickly got onto her own 2 feet to earn a living for herself. How she'd returned to society and started giving unwanted children the parental love that the young her was deprived of.
I am really really inspired by this woman now.
=D
I knew all along that I'm actually a very lucky person and there are lots of other people out there with worse problems than I do and in worse plight than I am. I'm actually enjoying a very good life here so what's the point in lowering myself?
Hurm and 1 more thing...
It just dawned on me that I've grown up and I am pushing myself to grab my goals. No longer playing around actually. In exactly few days time to go and I'm turning 23 soon!
Oh gosh...
I don't wanna grow old.
I don't want so much responsibilities.
I don't wanna worry about what my family worried now..
"Atiey ni ble plak nk kawen??"
"Lepas ni turn atiey la tunang kn??"
"I xsbr nk tgk u ade baby yunk."
It's just I'm a little too young to be hearing those topics!
Maybe if the time has come.All those question being answered as everybody who may concern will be invited to Atiey's biggest E&W ceremony ever.
InsyaALLAH okay.
Heeeeeeeee
PS:
The last phase is only to make a clear vision for those who keep on asking me when?when?when?
Cause i didn't have any ideas to answer your most' favorite questionnaire' at this moment.
=p
Atiey M
=)
=)
